Let's Talk About It

I believe every mother has moments when even with her closest friends she doesn’t divulge all the juicy details of her life behind closed doors. With the portrayal of being a super-mom on social media by posting vacations, fun activities, mall shopping trips and dinners out doesn’t show all the real-life dramas that happen in the interim. Why are we so fearful to talk about the real stuff that is going on between family members or the difficulties you’re having with one of your children? Is it the fear of judgement or mom shamming? Whatever situation is happening behind the façade we all portray is what life is really all about. It’s the emotional rollercoasters, midnight fevers, the second shadow everywhere you go, dinner menu disputes and refusal of independent sleeping! I think we should encourage normalizing the real life behind closed doors situations. So, I challenge you momma’s out there, let’s talk about it! I’ll go first…

I thought potty training was going to be a breeze. I actively participated in mommy groups and even spoke regularly with other single moms about potty training. Most every mom confirmed, with their experience, how easy it was. “Potty train in 3 days or less” method or “just go without diapers and after one accident, it will never happen again”. Well approaching 5 years old, my daughter would not sit on the potty. I was embarrassed at first and didn’t want to tell the other moms in the group that my child was seemingly behind on such a developmental life skill. I would listen to their stories and then go home and research any tool or technique that would help facilitate this milestone. I ended up with two standalone potties for each bathroom, one toddler potty lid seat designed to attach to the regular size toilet and one travel toilet seat that popped open for potty-ing on the go. To no avail, the attempts were unsuccessful. Not to mention the numerous training books we would read together regularly. She was even interested in being present when I was in the restroom. The fascinating thing was, she loved playing that her barbie was going to the potty and she even had a baby doll that, when placed on top the little pink potty, produced charms for a bracelet for goodness sake. I purchased special training panties, soft fabric panties, princess character panties yet there was nothing I did that made her want to stop wearing pull-ups. She loved them and she felt comfortable in them. She was holding it throughout the night so I know that she was ready physically. What was I doing wrong?

To be completely honest, I belief is that it falls back to being a single mom again. I think that she realized that our household was different, where is my daddy? Maybe feelings of not being able to control having both parents around, not being able to control why her daddy wasn’t active in her life? She was fighting the potty training because it was something that she could control in her life. She was able to make her own decision when she went to the bathroom, when she changed her pull-up, and she felt as if it was a comfort to her. She was literally terrified if we took it off. A real fear of what might happen, a fear of something new, it was a fear of the unknown. Little did I know, this was just the beginning.